Fear and Loathing in Toronto: What the Hell Happened to my Hometown?

“Living in the city, you know you have to survive.” – Living in the City, Sonic R

I’m deeply saddened and disturbed by the news reports of the current crimewave gripping the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC), Toronto’s public transit system. These incidents hit especially close to home, as I’m a born and raised Torontonian. While I now live in a small city, I was always a pedestrian and I also used both the TTC and Government of Ontario (GO) Transit, a commuter train and bus system.

In fact, one of my jobs for several years was to verify the delivery of free newspapers throughout the TTC’s subway stations. I loved this job. Unfortunately, my happiness came crashing down when I was assaulted on a subway platform one beautiful summer morning. I suffered from this ordeal and was on sick leave for several months. During that period, the department I worked for was shut down and I was subsequently laid off. This was around the time that Toronto was becoming increasingly more gentrified, overpopulated, expensive, and dangerous. This wasn’t always the case, though.

Toronto in the ‘80s and ‘90s was a special place and time in the world. The city was cleaner, safer, more affordable, less congested, and had a funky vibe. There was a thriving artistic bohemian community near Queen and Spadina. You could see the CN Tower and Lake Ontario instead of just endless walls of high-rise condominiums. Downtown was chockfull of cool bookstores and record shops. The malls had something for everyone instead of just high-end boutiques. Local landmarks such as the long-departed Sam the Record Man, World’s Biggest Bookstore, and Honest Ed’s drew in crowds of tourists. It was a magical place.

Over the years, my family and I watched Toronto’s slow and gradual transformation into its current form. We stuck it out in the big city until a few years ago, when the escalating crimewave could no longer be ignored. We started having close calls. I was at Yonge–Dundas Square a few hours before a fatal shooting. I obliviously walked down Yonge Street during the van attack. We drove along Danforth Avenue on the day of the mass shooting. By the grace of God, we always managed to get out of the wrong place at the right time.

I never thought I’d leave the hustle and bustle of the big city. Unfortunately, Toronto had become too crowded, dangerous, and expensive. With my assault on the subway and our close shaves, we no longer wanted to tempt fate. It was time for us to throw in the towel, pack up, and leave the big city for a small one. Change is never easy for those of us on the autism spectrum, so my willingness to leave the only home I’d ever known tells you something of the dire situation there. Thankfully, we left Toronto before the pandemic hit, again, by the grace of God.

While we may now feel safe in our new home, we still worry for all our friends and family we left behind. Toronto’s crime and gentrification have gotten much worse in the years since we left. It’s an interesting paradox: a city for the rich under siege by gangs, criminals, and murderers amid a global pandemic. A place where excessive wealth and extreme poverty collide with little to no middle-class in-between. Perhaps I’ll do a more in-depth deep dive on this topic later.

It feels like Toronto has become increasingly more dangerous over the past twenty years. It’s a place where a serial killer stalked the gay village. Where gunshots rang out at the Raptors’ victory parade. Where a woman was immolated on a bus by a psychopath. Where a homeless man was savagely stabbed to death by a gang of teenaged girls. Where TTC commuters are now getting randomly attacked and have become victims of crime during their daily commutes. Modern day Toronto now resembles Gotham City. All that’s missing is the Bat-Signal and Batman himself.

In closing, I mourn the city I once knew and loved. I worry for our friends and family still living there. But I’ll always remember the Toronto of my childhood and teenaged years with great fondness. I listened to a CBC radio show or podcast awhile back that summed up the nostalgia of the ‘90s perfectly: “the Berlin Wall was down, and the Twin Towers were still standing”. Man, how I wish I had a time machine to go back to that simpler and safer world. I’d stay there if I could.

What the hell happened to my beloved city?

My Autistic Perspective on Social Media

“Everyone fights for position. Everyone wants to be seen and heard.” – The Pigeon Lady, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Though the above quote is from a classic ‘90s flick released long before the birth of social media, it sums up the online experience perfectly. Success on social media may be determined by the number of friends, followers, viewers, likes, comments, and shares a person has. If you seek fortune and fame, you must please the algorithm gods. Lose their favour and you will be swiftly replaced by the next rising star. Everyone fights for position. Everyone wants to be seen and heard.

As someone on the autism spectrum, I have always struggled with social situations. As a kid and teenager, I had a small circle of friends, but lost touch after my high school graduation. I often thought of my old friends and wondered what they were up to. Then, my aunt and teenaged cousin illuminated the possibilities of social media to me. Like a sailor under the hypnotic spell of a mermaid, I was entranced.

Before long, I was in the game. It was marvelous…and weird, with people writing their posts in the third person and constantly offering me lonely brown cows from their virtual farms. After awhile, I began to learn the ins and outs of social media. Flashforward to the present, I still find social media puzzling. The following are my neurodivergent ruminations on the social media craze.

First off, I love being able to communicate from the safety and comfort of my computer or mobile devices. This relieves some of my stress and anxiety, giving me time to formulate my thoughts. I don’t have to worry about awkward situations, misunderstandings, or the embarrassment that comes with face-to-face interactions.

Similarly, I sometimes have difficulty reading social cues, like body language, tone of voice, or facial expressions. Therefore, I find emojis useful as they allow me to better communicate and help me understand others.

It’s also great being able to express support, agreement, solidarity, or humour with the literal press of a button…the “like” and “reaction” buttons. These buttons allow me to show others that I care and value their online presence. Likewise, whenever somebody presses these buttons on any of my posts or photos, it always brightens my day and makes me smile.

It’s 2023, and we still don’t drive flying cars, live in cities in the sky, or wear goofy futuristic clothes. However, Back to the Future Part II, Blade Runner, and The Jetsons did accurately predict one “future” invention: video calling. Video calling is especially beneficial in these pandemic times when people need human contact the most. Even I enjoy video chatting with my family and friends.

Social media can be a great outlet for people’s creativity. We on the spectrum are passionate about our hobbies and interests and love sharing them with others. I feel social media is a fantastic platform for us to come out of our shells and express ourselves. It may be tricky finding the right audience, as our passions may not appeal to everyone. But even if our posts are met with a chorus of chirping crickets rather than likes or reactions, I still feel it’s important to be true to ourselves and speak out. I also believe social media is a good platform for us to raise awareness of the daily challenges we face, like being bullied, getting stereotyped in media, or living with a mostly invisible disability.

While I have highlighted some positive aspects of social media, it’s not always sugar and spice. There is also a seedy underbelly to the medium. A dark space where predators lurk, bully or scam their prey, steal their lifesavings, trick them into sending out nude pics, or lure them down the rabbit hole of misinformation…all within their own homes. Just as Gollum hates and loves the Ring in J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings, I have a similar love-hate relationship with social media.

For starters, I despise all the insults hurled on social media towards those of us in the autistic or learning-disabled community. People using “autism” or “Asperger’s” as synonyms for “jerk”, “asshole”, or “know-it-all”, as well as offensive slurs like “retard”, “retarded”, “riding the short bus”, or “Assburgers”. People making derogatory jokes about the learning disabled, special education, special needs, or the Special Olympics. Are these people even aware of the pain they are causing? After all, we are not a synonym or a punch line. Slurs against any group are never acceptable. Words cut deep.

Next, why do I get so many bogus requests from impostors masquerading as my friends and family? What causes my friends and family to have their likenesses appropriated by these creeps? If you accidentally accept one of these fraudulent requests, what happens to your personal information? What is the motive of these charlatans? How do you know if a request from somebody you know is legit? What are the social networks doing about this problem?

Similarly, why do I get flooded with requests from random bodacious babes? I don’t have public accounts, I’m no influencer or celebrity, and I’m definitely not Bond or Hef. I’m also no fool. I realize these “requests” are most likely from scammers and catfish, but to what end? How do they find invisible folks? I wonder if the poor girls in these pictures are even aware that creeps have appropriated their likenesses for nefarious purposes? How many others are receiving these weird requests everyday? Again, what are the social networks doing about this problem?

Also, why do the algorithm gods feel the need to bombard us with spam? I don’t want all my devices chiming incessantly with notifications on every random thing that occurs while I’m offline. When I sign out, it means I want a break from social media. Likewise, I would prefer to see posts from people I know rather than spam. It sucks to miss people’s posts because of all the junk.

Then, there is the mystery of why some of my photos, videos, or albums randomly disappear for no reason. I have no clue what happens to these missing uploads from yesteryear. I once reported this issue to tech support and had some of my lost media restored, though they have since crossed over into the ethereal plane once again. I still have some dead email links to people’s lost comments on my vanished posts. What can explain this bizarre phenomenon?

What is worse than seeing your posts cross over into the ethereal plane? Seeing them cross over into a thief’s profile without consent, credit, or even a like on what they stole. I have had quite a few of my photos and posts plagiarized. I take great pride in my work, and it hurts when others download it and pass it off as their own. Having gone through this a few times, I know exactly how Homer felt in the Flaming Moe’s episode of The Simpsons, and it sucks! If you want likes, what is wrong with earning them yourself with your own words, photos, and creativity?

For the record, I would be flattered and willing to allow my posts to be redistributed throughout social media if one first likes them, asks my permission, and/or credits me. Alternatively, one could simply press the “share” button. If you appreciate the art, then show that you also appreciate the artist. I thank and salute those individuals that have done so.

Another unfortunate social media experience is when you accidentally let foxes into your henhouse. I once had a friend who grew bitter and resentful when I couldn’t visit. Despite my apologies, this wolf in sheep’s clothing stripped out of the faux wool, transformed from Jekyll into Hyde, and began, publicly and privately, bullying, insulting, and harassing me on social media. When this person attacked my friends, I finally hit the “delete” button. Still, like a vengeful ghost, this cyberbully continued haunting me with abusive private messages for years. Also, a former co-worker turned out to be a religious fanatic and went after me over political disagreements. Why is it so easy for bullies to target people on social media? What a nightmare.

Speaking of nightmares, I think it’s creepy as hell that social media can eavesdrop on conversations and read minds even when offline and away from all devices. I feel I’m stuck in a horror movie. It’s unnerving to know your walls do in fact have ears and terrifying to ponder how much of our personal information involuntarily winds up online. What is it being used for, and by whom?

Another downside of social media is the angry crowd who are always looking to fight, attack, delete, cancel, or preach to anyone whose views differ from their own. I have seen people from all schools of thought engage in this childish behaviour. I believe people can hold and respectfully share different perspectives while remaining friends. There are plenty of people on social media I like and get along well with despite our different opinions. Debate is healthy and everyone is entitled to their beliefs. Life is too short to bicker. Live and let live. Love, peace, and chicken grease.

There are also the contradictions of the social networks. They will ban photos of artistic nudity while allowing unsavoury characters to spew vitriol to their heart’s content. Is art worse than hate speech?

Now, we come to the perplexing behaviour of people on social media, which just leaves me scratching my head. Why do some friends or relatives delete my friend and follow requests? I find this confusing, and it throws me for a loop.

Another social media oddity are the folks who engage in careless behavior, such as publicly airing their grievances towards others (like Frank Costanza during Festivus) or sharing media of their drunken escapades, and so on. Before posting anything, take a step back and think it over. Is this something that can get you fired or provide ammunition for your adversaries or anyone who may wish you harm?

Movin’ right along (♪ footloose and fancy-free! ♫), why are posts restricted to such a tiny number of characters? Why upload media that self-destructs? Why are there so many Tetris knockoffs (♪ and songs about rainbows ♫)? Why do online celebrities and influencers repeatedly ask you to follow them at the end of their videos?

Then, there are all the weird rituals and bizarre customs. Crowds in wacky outfits dancing wildly to snippets of a song. Fundraisers dumping buckets of ice water over their heads. Machos swallowing everything from cinnamon and soda crackers to ghost peppers and laundry detergent. Pedestrians obliviously following Pokémon anywhere from churches and memorials to railway tracks and cliff edges. People snapping mirror selfies. Daredevils attempting everyday tasks while blindfolded, including driving automobiles. I don’t get it, especially the dangerous stuff. If all this is a sacrifice to the algorithm gods, then the gods must be crazy.

In closing, social media isn’t black and white but shades of grey. Sometimes, I’m tempted to terminate my accounts, but then I would lose contact with all the wonderful people I have reconnected with. It’s a Catch-22. I could get out of this pickle by asking all my old friends, relatives, co-workers, and acquaintances for their contact information, but this proposition is uncomfortable for me. Social media wins. It always wins. Like a sailor, I have been ensnared by the mermaid and pulled below the foamy waves of the sea.

Social media; as alluring as a mermaid and as dangerous as the sea.

(Stratton, Helen, illustrator. The Little Mermaid. By Hans Christian Andersen. Philadelphia: Lippincott, 1899.)