My Bullying Story

I’m very touched that a minute of silence was dedicated to all victims of bullying today. The outpouring of support for bullying victims in the aftermath of Amanda Todd’s passing has actually inspired me to open up publicly for the first time and share my own story.

While my elementary school days were wonderful and filled with good friends and fond memories, middle school was the polar opposite and a total nightmare for me, 1998 in particular being the worst year of my life. I was severely bullied at the age of fourteen, both physically and psychologically, and it wasn’t long before I lost all hope and attempted to take my life (the afterlife seemed a far better alternative to the pain I was constantly enduring on earth). I was fortunate enough to have one kind and very observant teacher named Mrs. Dean who intervened, and it’s thanks to her that I’m still here today.

The road to recovery was a slow and rough one, though. My parents were afraid to leave me unmonitored, I required lots of therapy and medication, and finished grade 8 through one-on-one tutoring because I was too terrified to be in a classroom setting again or around other teenagers (I received my middle school diploma in the mail). Bullying had left me the human equivalent of an abused dog trembling with its tail between its legs. I couldn’t pass groups of teens anywhere without suffering extreme anxiety that they’d gang up to attack me, and began high school at Danforth Tech sitting behind a cubicle.

It’s very difficult to trust your fellow teens again after suffering such horrid cruelty at their hands, but my high school years were surprisingly good ones, and over the ninth grade I managed to emerge from my shell, regain faith in humanity, and make some very good friends there (I still remained guarded and skipped extra-curricular activities and my prom).

It’s true that the scars left behind from bullying are permanent, and I’ll never again be the same person I was before middle school. Bullying changes you forever, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and my experiences in middle school shaped me into the man I am today. I’m no longer a victim but a survivor, scarred but not broken.

I think it’s very important for my fellow bullying survivors to speak up and raise awareness to what we went through. It wasn’t easy for me to reveal such painful moments from my life just now and I honestly never thought I’d do so, but it’s important that we all band together to put an end to bullying once and for all, and who better to lead the charge than those who’ve personally gone through it and know what it feels like?

Many of you are parents to young children, and I want to see them grow up in a world where they’ll never have to experience what I went through. We need to educate all students on the seriousness of bullying (the crumpled paper experiment is a fine example) and form harsher punishments for bullies such as criminal charges that will make it crystal clear to them that such behaviour won’t be tolerated.

I don’t say all of these things for sympathy, to be an “armchair activist”, or to gain a bunch of likes, I say them because bullying and suicide awareness and prevention are the two causes that are closest to my heart and I don’t want to see anybody else suffer the same fate as poor Amanda Todd and countless other kids around the world. I want these children and teenagers to know that they’re not alone and are loved, and that suicide isn’t their only option even if it feels like it in their darkest hour (I thought the same way at the time). There is support and hope out there, and we need to make that clear to them. Sorry for the length of this post, and thank you for reading.

My Thoughts on the Summer of the Gun

“I say all the time that every moment we have to live our life is a blessing. So often I have found myself taking it for granted. Every hug from a family member. Every laugh we share with friends. Even the times of solitude are all blessings. Every second of every day is a gift. After Saturday evening, I know I truly understand how blessed I am for each second I am given.” - Jessica Ghawi

Foreword: I haven’t updated this blog of mine in over seven months, as the theme behind it is ranting about topics that irk me and I just hadn’t found much to seriously gripe about over the past year. I did find a couple of topics that I’d planned to rant over for my big comeback, but they’ll be taking a backseat for now as I share my personal and heartfelt feelings on a very important matter (I was partially inspired by the young woman quoted above from a similar blog post she wrote following her recent near-death experience in a Toronto shopping mall. Unfortunately, she and many others are no longer with us, hence the topic of my following post).

When the pioneering silent film The Great Train Robbery was released in theatres back in 1903, the iconic final shot of the outlaws’ leader (played by Justus D. Barnes) pointing and firing his gun at the camera reportedly caused moviegoers to scream and duck behind their seats, such was the magic of a then fairly new medium known as the movies. Who would’ve ever thought that 109 years later, life would tragically imitate art in a Colorado cinema packed with Batman fans of all ages eagerly awaiting the midnight premiere of The Dark Knight Rises?

Admittedly, I’ve been feeling pretty shitty these last few weeks over the mass shootings that have occurred in such close proximity to each other this summer. Being from Toronto, I was already reeling pretty badly from the two public shooting incidents that occurred here before the big one in that packed Aurora, Colorado movie theatre completely shattered me emotionally. I didn’t know any of the victims of these heinous and senseless murders, but their deaths have affected me deeply nonetheless.

In all three cases, these were just ordinary men, women, and children out enjoying the summer and life in general. There’s so much darkness and evil in the world that people should have the right to at least put it all aside for a bit and enjoy themselves without fear of being gunned down. What makes random murders like these so scary is the fact that any one of us could’ve easily been among the victims, so I take great offence at any attempts to poke humour over something so gravely serious (sadly, I’ve already seen a few Batman-related “too soon?” jokes posted online, and needless to say I’m NOT laughing).

Maybe it’s because I’m often out in the open riding the subway throughout the city, or because I regularly visit shopping malls at least once a week, or on account that I enjoy watching movies on the big screen and have been to many huge opening night showings over the years. Whatever the reason, I feel our rights as human beings to go out and enjoy life have been completely violated this summer and think that mass murders such as these are no laughing matter.

I’m a spiritual man and a firm believer in God and the afterlife, but I strongly feel that we should all be allowed to live long happy lives here on earth and achieve whatever it is we were meant to without the thread of our lives being tragically cut short so senselessly. When I started the Ranting Zone last December, I never imagined that any of my future posts would be as serious and sombre as the one you’re reading now, but I just had to get these thoughts off my chest.

I will be “moving on” and returning to more light-hearted fair shortly (I won’t let the gunmen behind these three vile acts break my spirit), but will always keep the victims of the summer 2012 shootings in my thoughts and prayers. I hope we’ll never forget these tragedies and will work hard to create stricter gun laws and harsher punishments for anyone who carries out such crimes.

Life is a precious gift, so appreciate it and make every last second count. Put nothing off that you wish to do or accomplish, even if others attempt to ridicule or discourage you from doing so. Find something to believe in that will inspire and motivate you throughout life, since it could be quite empty otherwise. Spend as much time with your family as you do with your friends, for blood is thicker than water. Tell your relatives, significant others, and children that you love them everyday, as tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Be cautious while out in public, but still go forth and enjoy the rest of your summer; eat in food courts, attend block parties, and go to the movies. If you want to watch The Dark Knight Rises, then do so and have a great time. Thank you for reading, and God bless.

May violent scenes such as this famous climactic one from The Great Train Robbery remain strictly in the movies.